Nightmares and Neighbors

My recurring dreams and nightmares have followed a few basic themes. I've dreamed of walking through the woods where at every step there were snakes underfoot. I've dreamed of being in a public place clad only in my tighty whiteys. I've dreamed of flying, or more accurately being able to levitate myself over my surroundings. All of these themes began occurring in childhood, and for the most part occurred less frequently as I got older. I guess all dreams are somehow anchored in reality, although the complete tapestry of each dream is woven of many nonsensical threads. I'm not particularly afraid of snakes, so the snake dream seldom reappears, I have a lot more self-confidence than I had as a child or even as a young adult, and unfortunately the flying dream, which I understand indicates comfort or happiness does not occur as often as it once did.

My most terrifying dream sequence is also the most difficult to explain. It never seems to jolt me awake as it did when I was young, but the reality of this theme often occurs to me. Once, as a writing assignment in high school, I tried to articulate this dream, but I'm afraid my feeble attempt only got me a C or a D, and illustrated to the teacher how screwed up I was. I'm going to give it another shot.

In my dream, I would find myself suffocating under an ever increasing pile of sand being heaped upon me by my parents, one shovel full at a time. Although I would plead with them to stop, each parent was intent upon getting one last shovel of sand onto the pile. That's it, not a complicated dream where one nonsensical thread leads to another and another, just sand, dusty and dense piling up on me. I understand now that my dream was just a reaction to the parents, in my dysfunctional family, engaging in one more escalating argument where neither was willing to back down. My parents resorted to psychological, not physical violence, although at times the one felt as bad as the other. In any case, I survived my childhood, and I doubt that my family was more dysfunctional than many others. It was ,however, my introduction to the escalating argument, a phenomenon I've grown to greatly appreciate and fear.

I've seen, and been a part of these arguments, and the mitigating factor in almost every one I have engaged in or witnessed is that ultimately, one party or both were constrained by the potential loss of something they valued. Be it their freedom, their marriage, their children, their teeth, or their life, there was almost always some limiting factor that stopped the escalation before it lead to violence. But, as I have often joked, the cemeteries and jails are full of people who would not back down. These are the losers in our society, people without valuable constraints.

Couple this mentality with another theme that I have often written and thought about, that is, the psychopath next door. There has been a lot written about the sociopaths around us, including one titled "The Psychopath Next Door". What I have read indicates that about one in one hundred people exhibit some degree if antisocial behavior. Most of these people are not unremorseful killers like Chigurh in "No Country for Old Men", instead most simply have difficulty empathizing with their fellow man.

The danger, thankfully remote, is that you cross paths with an individual with some combination of the lethal traits I've just described. I suspect that this is exactly what happened to the three people of Muslim faith killed by Craig Hicks, their next door neighbor. There is a lot of talk about labeling this as a hate crime, but I think this is putting the cart before the horse. I have no knowledge of Mr. Hicks uttering anti Islam slurs about his neighbors, although I will not be surprised if evidence of this sort is revealed. But, I suspect that had his neighbors been black or red, or to his knowledge, Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses, he would have, by the time of the killings, worked himself into a xenophobic rage against his neighbors. A thoughtful look at the notorious  mass killings we have witnessed in past years, reinforces my premise. I think, better that believing this a hate crime, the lesson to be learned is to beware of engaging an enraged psychotic loser.